Yesterday. So many words can describe it. Spectacular, magnificent, amazing, awesome, romantic, etc... I was invited to go to Longwood Gardens by Allans parents and it was so rediculously fun! First we ate some pumkin pie at his house that his sister made, heavenly her pies Afterwards we made the long hour an a half trip down to Maryland to this spendid place that housed Christmas lights and decorations, greenhouses, geese (honestly, couldn't go one second with out seeing one and hearing GEESE! from Allan or his dad their bloods boiling cuz' the opening day to hunting season for deer and such is monday, our anniversary!) I had a blast yesterday. And then, we ate at this really gorgous restuarant called The Farmhouse Estate or some such, and the food Ah...four course meals, the best crabcakes I have ever tasted, and really high prices. My plate cost 32 dollars! And that was only for my entree! Seriously, my heart skipped a beat looking at the prices! I would have hated to see the bill. Oh, so grateful for being envited. ... So that tis how the other half live... could get used to it, I could. I would have to say the best part at Longwood was the stupendous water light show that featured Mozart as the backgrond music. It was so cool, and we got front seats to it... er- standing rights. But it was amazing to say the least. I would have to say though, that my favorite part of day, after much sight seeing and bonding, was sleeping on his shoulder for the hour and a half ride back home. I feel inspired to right a poem about it, so be on the lookout in my gallery for a new piece along those lines. Honestly, I have never felt more alive since I he fell for me, and I for him. Things seem to be slowing down, and then picking up at the same time with Christmas coming and wotnot. Kind of like floating on clouds. Wow that was "nearly poetic" lawl.

It has been along time since I have been able to see clearly wwhat my lifes worth is. Sure, I am only as good as my word. But I am also only as good as my actions. My thought process, my heart.

I guess you don't see the cliffs edge untill you are standing on tiptoe about to fall over it. That is how my life seems to be anyway. i disregaurd so many aspects in m,y life, that they eventually catch up with me, and force my eyes open. Perhaps most of you, my devoted readers, friends, and family, have seem a new side of me you had never thought exsisted? Well, I have too, and frankly it scares the hell out of me. Moderation is for every thing, and It's about time I start using the head I was given. It's not fair of me to hurt other people, but it's definately not fair of me to let them hurt me, and suffer for their mistakes. I can't do that anymore, and sorry if that hurts a few people. I guess I took a total 360 turn a bout once i got my freedom, and I abused it in every way shape and form, for the opposite reasons that I had before. Pleasure and such. Selfish thoughts and impluses, instead of for someone else. Again, moderation is key now. I apologize if I made you all worry over me, I just couldn't see it through my eyes. I may have been happy, and I truely am, but i didn't see that I could be happy without the unesscary chances and risks that I have been taking as of late. I guess I am following my mother footsteps without even realizing it. And it sucks when reality catches up with you. Damn. Now thats a goal, don't become like my mother. Shes is kind and caring, but her decisions were not the best. I am finally starting to see that my decisions, no matter for the cause, if they aren't just they are punishable by consequences. Which I for one am ready to suffer to just get back on the right road again. I have colldges to scout, poems to write, a novel to finish! which is totally awesome(its in my gallery titled Justice inthe Moonlight) (if you like action, romance, deadly villians, and an even deadlier heorine, then this novels for you! I am currnetly on the fourth chapter on Da, and I am going to write the sixth, and seventh tonight if I can.) Anyway, in all I have my friends Liz ( consicecomplexity), Chelz, (bozievich) Tina ( Bloodytearsofremorse) Allan<3 (XYZ)who will be having his own Da account soon, and Fred (stoneannexcypher) thatnk you guys so much for helping me see, even if I couldn't, that not all change is good, and that I have awesome friends who love me sooo much that they would bitch slap me to wake me up! lawl. You know how I get guys, I blind myself on numerous occasions. <3 I love you all.

<3 love you all and i promise, I'll just tweak a few things in my new self and everything will flow smoothly. Just a few bumps in the road.

sup

It all started with a talk about my choice of apparel last night. Then all went horribly horribliy wrong. I can't wear black in my old fashion sense. Which is okay, cuz' I have outgrown that security blanket of old. The conversation took a nasty turn after we established that I was not to dress as I did yesterday. Black leather. I wore it for one hour. ><. It was a tad extreme.... I guess. lawl. And my corset. Though mum doesn't know about that, my sister couldn't see underneaththe jacket. X ray vision. Gods, i owuld never want to suffer THAT. Anyway, trouble is in paradise. Supposidly Allan came in with a hangover yesterday as well. So in addition to having my ears bleed from a clothing haphazard, I have to deal with my sister coming to my mother about rumor about him having a hangover. When in fact, I should have said this last night, I knew that he didn't that morning for he had a huge test that he had to study for . Half of the time he doesn't go to sleep until 3 in the mornng, so he has come in tired before. It's so irksome. Also, in addition to that, she has vowed to break Allan and I up the first chance she gets. Since the first godammned day we got together, dammit! Anyway, he was going to break up with me today. Not for selfish reasons or such. He told me later that he cares to much to see me get hurt anymore on his behalf. He knows that I shoulder alot. But I love him. In a mere few minutes we had worked everything out. So we are still together, srtong as ever, and ready to kick my sisters ass for feeding my mother lies about him. She says that she has witnesses to him being hungover. I know that it will not work, cuz' it is not proff that he was. No one was with him besides his parents last night. Honestly I do not know where this damn rumor came from. It's rediculous to say the least. Ah well. Wish me luck all, for I have a feeling that there will be many a battle tonight with my mother and sister and I am determined to win. I am not going to let everything that I have worked for the past three months just fall through my fingers. Never again. So please pray for me, I am going to need it, it was only with gods help I survived last night.Bless him. I love you all, thank you for reading this, and your prayers are very much appreciated.